It's hard, but it's worth it

Let's face it.....It's not all rainbows all the time. Being a new mom has brought me so much perspective, it makes you appreciate the little things, treasure each moment and also pull your hair out all at the same time. I have read many articles in which moms share their journey and I have been asked many times by friends and family on how being a new mom is going...and my response in short is like many....."it's hard, so hard that sometimes you're not sure what you're doing; but it's worth it, oh MY is it worth it!" Here are some of the not so rainbow noteworthy moments that were mostly in the first 3 months:

Being a mom is A LOT of hard work, bottom line. Even though Finley is a very good baby she is still no joke people=)

• 'Oh you had a c-section, lucky you! You get out of the pain of labor." Not so much, I would totally take the option of having a natural labor then a c-section...pain and all. The fact that I had to have a c-section still saddens me and I hope to have an somewhat natural experience with the second. I know it's in no way all roses with a natural but I wish I had the experience. C-sections suck. The work here is painful in many ways, recovery mostly, but also during. After the two pretty painful spinal taps (yes two: the ligaments in my back were "extremely tight" according to the spinal tap guy, that he had to try twice.) You then get pinched with one of those surgical tweezer things telling them how much you can still feel. From there you are numb but can definitely feel immense pressure, pulling, and suction in your stomach, which is not a cool feeling. I was also sure to ask the anesthesiologist if someone was twisting my arms off during this time as well. She reassured me that 'no it was a side effect that some patients feel during the surgery.' This twisting killed my shoulders. It felt like knifes were jammed into my shoulders while something also wanted to cut off my arms. Not a fun feeling at all, especially without my husband with me.
• The recovery after the c-section was also painful and a lot of work. Talk about never wanting to twist, lean forward or backward, and never wanting to drop something (because well, you won't be able to get it for the rest of the day). The pain of a cough, laugh or sneeze was also nothing to joke about. The first week at home from the hospital I very much wanted the hospital bed again, getting out of our bed was oh so painful. David was all hands on deck with my recovery from the c-section. I couldn't bend to pick up the baby, couldn't put pants/socks/shoes on by myself, and couldn't get out of bed by myself...all in which I would break down in tears at random times because I couldn't put on a sock. David rocked at being dad and helper to mom at this stage. 
• And after all that hospital stuff then the work really began. When you sign up to be a mom, it's 24/7 people. No lunch break or dinner break where you actually get to sit down and think about or savor what you're eating. There's little sleep or uncomfortable sleep. And when you are so tired you fall asleep with her in your arms all night, where in which your arms fall asleep and your back aches. The complete all day/night arm work out is my present pain...my arms are so sore by the end of a day from holding, snuggling, and lifting that sweet babe all day. Lots of work but very much worth it with one little smile.

One handed everything 

• I have come to find that I can accomplish many a chore, cleaning, cooking dinner, doing laundry, feeding dogs, trimming hedges with one hand. Sure, two would be nice but when you got a baby strapped to you the one will do just fine and sometimes the toe grab also comes in handy. 
• I one handedly typed this blog. Albeit it took be two weeks but hey it got finished. 

Oh the things you will think in the split seconds of the crazy

•  "Holy crap...when did I grow up enough to actually have a baby": I still feel about 18 yrs old and still tell David that we are playing house. 
• Are they really going to just let us take this little human home? No test we should pass, no diploma?: There's a point with your first child where you are about to be discharged and you can't help but think these very words. You mean the nurse isn't going to accompany us home in case I have a question at 3am?!? (insert sarcasm) but really, maybe it's the teacher in me but there should be a test. Not just 'well every baby is different, so good luck'. 
•  "What in the hell did we do?": oh man, around the 3rd week at home there's a night or two when that sweet babe might cry all dang night. For Finley it was right around the 3rd week or so and her belly just wasn't settled with what I ate, she was uncomfortable laying flat, she was just so little....during these trying moments I looked at David and thought, will we ever have sanity again? will we ever go out of the house again? will it always be like this? and the answer is that although those moment suck and you want them to pass; in reality she has grown and changed so much that you look back and treasure even the crazy moments when they are so small. 

Happy emotions, sad emotions, some emotions in which I wasn't sure if they were either of those two but whatever they were....... I would be crying. 

• I found myself, in the first month for sure, just holding Finley in my arms and I would start crying. David would ask me what's wrong and I would just say 'nothing, I just love her so much; she is so beautiful'. 
• I cried many a nights about having to have a c-section. Which totally caught me off guard because I thought that wouldn't effect me that much. 
• I read every night to Finley. There's a book that Aunt Mayme got for her called "I'd know you anywhere" and this had me completely balling....I read it to Finley, just her and I for the first time, and I cried through the whole thing. I thought that it would be out of my system and wanted David to hear it so that night I went to read it again to Finn and David and I couldn't get through the first page........." There are things about you quite like any other. Things only known by your father or mother. So if you decide to be different one day, no worries my love, I'd know you anyway." (begin the tears) from there I handed the book to David and said please finish it, I can't. 
• Mugz and Blu had a vet appointment in the 3rd week. They are my babies too and I really wanted to take Blu to his appointment but not being able to drive still cause of that damn c-section still had me needing to be home. I cried because I couldn't take him to the vet. 
• All pretty silly stuff to be crying over but man are your hormones all out of wack after having a baby. 
• *crying update: it gets better after the 2nd month and I can now make it through "I'd know you anywhere" without crying....sometimes =) 

Not only do new moms cry but babies cry: Of course they do. But when YOUR baby cries it's a whole different story. Finley is not a crazy cryer at all but even when she does it has me.

•  It has amazed me on it's shear power (not the noise level) but the power of it's effect on me. So far it has caused me to completely zone out the loud beeping alert of my Jeep when backing into things; in which I backed into David's truck....*Thank you brother Ricky for fixing my crazy crashes. 
• If you see those cars with the "Baby on Board" sign. Give them a break! It's likely that they are distracted by a crying baby when they are zoned out and stopped at a green light or driving too slow in the fast lane. 
• When YOUR baby cries it's all you hear. People can be talking, cars can be backing into other cars, the world could be shaking but if my baby cries I know I need to do something. 
•  Maternal instinct or something here but when your baby cries it also physically hurts. My milk comes in, my stomach turns and my body tells me 'hey, baby girl NOW!'
• This whole concept of your baby crying has also shown me the difference between men and women. We are just built completely different to deal with babies. Her cry physically hurts me and well let's put it this way.... David can sleep pretty rem like through it at times. Go figure. 

Noteworthy your so tired you did what moments: 

• Waking up twice and not remembering where I put the baby: Not to worry, once she was in the bassinet and the other time David had gotten her so I could sleep. But oh my Lord! The panic of jumping out of bed thinking she was in the sheets somewhere and feeling all around. I. WAS. NEAR. A. HEART. ATTACK. 
• David was watching the babe so I could take a nice long shower without distractions: I poured conditioner into my hands and closing my eyes rubbed it all over my face thinking it was face wash. *On a separate occasion I also rubbed the face wash in my hair. =/
• Baking cookies, talking on the phone, holding baby girl in arms for a brief moment I put something in the over only to turn around and see that the cookies were still unbaked on the counter. Freaking, thinking "What in the hell did I put in the oven....the baby? the dog? no just an empty tray of nothing to bake." Props for nothing living going in the oven. 
• There's probably others but I am too tired to recall them. 

....

And yet even with all the madness. the work. the arm pain. the craziness.....it's really simple. LOVE. takes over. It has filled me the moment I saw her. It fills me so much that my cup runneth over, I am filled with love from this tiny person. I see now the love the LORD has for HIS children. WOW does he love us so. It's hard to remember life before her. I love this baby so much that it hurts me and that makes it ALL complete, wholly, entirely, WORTH it.